Me a name I call myself
We’re only as free as the scariest thing we can say out loudSamuel Martin
In my work it’s important to me that I be as transparent as I can.
There are two main reasons for this. Firstly, it gives you, the reader information for deciding if you want to employ me or recommend me as an ally, therapist or mentor.
The second reason, and frankly the more important one, is because I am only as free as the scariest thing I can say out loud. And by God, do I value freedom. So I dare to share the parts of me that I imagine many people might counsel me to hide. Well Fuck that. I am what I am while I become something new. We don’t do ourselves any favours by pretending something is true that isn’t.
In the spirit of this, here is a little TMI about me as a man, mystic & mentor.
When it comes to life, I am both student and teacher. I am a flawed man, like any other, with some wisdom to share and plenty of work still to do. Don’t believe me? My greatest hits include depression, addiction, eating disorders, chronic pain, unhealthy relationships and deep core insecurity & shame. Over a period of 10 years I’ve transformed myself into a man I’m proud to be. Not by changing what I was, but by meeting myself as I am. I speak of a path of love, understanding, truth, freedom and faith. It was not easy but by God was it worth it. I’m still unfolding my inner light, aligning my body|mind|spirit to greater degrees of truth, love, freedom & faith. It is a process and like any growing thing, it takes care, attention, support and time.
I’m still finding new unhealthy & unconscious agreements, addictions and choices that drain my life-force. I’m still bound by knots of my own making. I still am learning to move towards the somatic, visceral experience of my embodiment, in the presence of love for the pursuit of truth. It’s ok. We learn, we grow. We fall, we fail. And we rise again like the Living Sun.
The moral of the story is, I’m awesome and I’m retarded. Neither of those things is really true. I AM. That’s what’s true. But in between the polarities and within the scope of Being, there is a tale of a man coming to know himself and what he’s made of. A tale of despair, joy, heartache, pain, benefaction, grace, love, nakedness, intimacy, regret, embarrassment and more. I AM that tale and here is a little of that story so far..
- Finding myself homeless, jobless and alone. Realising just how much I wanted to be living with people I loved and who loved me and how far I felt from that dream.
- A relationship with the woman I had hoped to marry ends, lots of failed relationships, codependency
- Felating a dude and having a 5-some
- Chronic back pain, cannabis addiction, alcohol addiction
- My mum dies
- That first time I lied to avoid negative consequences and got away with it
- Anger, resentment, hurt and separation are my constant companions in relationships
- Develop an eating disorder – throw up food, get obsessed with weight loss
- Spending my 30s not knowing what I wanted to do when I grew up
- Cannot find rest or stillness outside of peak experience or drugs
- Attaining enlightenment and struggling through years of wandering, uncertainty & trauma to integrate my body | mind | spirit
- Deciding to leave the formal education system and follow my calling to deepen my walk with God
- Praying through God and Earth and asking for help, finding it, feeling it and being remade by it
- Getting to a place where I can sit still, peaceful and content.
- Becoming sober, stable and 90 percent free of back pain
- Meeting and making awesome friends
- Free-climbing 30m Gum trees
- Discovering my indomitable inner flame.
- Discovering how I can make people laugh and noticing what brings me alive
- Public Speaking. Mums funeral, creative living intuitive monologues, toastmasters award, science shows, friends wedding.
- Getting my first dream job teaching Science education
- Leaving my first dream job to follow the calling of the soul
- Travelling to South America
- Admitting truth out loud
- Reconnecting my heart through Christ
My soul safari
In 2011 I met my first life-long friend. We went to Hawaii together at the end of the year and while there I realised with some horror that I had to leave my job teaching science. My soul had outgrown the confines of the scientific world view I had cultivated most my life. What followed was an 9 year Odd-yssey that saw me thrust out into the unknown and find out what life had to teach me that books never could. I travelled a fair bit in the first half of this soul safari before settling down in South East Queensland. The following gallery shows some pictures I made to highlight some of the noteable events and experiences over the first half of that period.